A promise was made when I expressed I was uncomfortable with your absence. "I'm here, text me or call me anytime. I have great reception where I'll be and I'm here for you any time". The first day on site this promise was broken. That hurts. I'm scared, as I've said. I'm uncomfortable, as I've expressed. I'm working on trust, this set me back.
I didn't respond well, I know. For that I'm sorry. Broken promises send me spiralling downward so quickly. I shared where I was at and why. I asked for your input to ease the pressure I felt -this made you more angry. And so I responded poorly again.
4 messages in over 48 hours. 💔 Emotionless, frustrated messages. No kind words, no warmth. My heart is hurting at this point. And you're getting more angry. Every single attempt I make to reach out, shift gears to a more positive place, express love is stopped by cold, hard words. No love.
I want a relationship where I feel loved, valued, supported, SAFE, and important.
There is no warmth, no affection, no softness right now. I feel unsafe. I'm not ok. I can't handle it. I can't communicate.
When I let go of the anger all that is left is sadness. Damaged trust. Wary of showing vulnerability. Retreating. Walls of safety are up to protect my heart from being pushed aside further. And now I can cry.
