On The Idea That We Are All Creators of Our Reality...

If I create my reality inclusively this means I can be or do anything I want.... woah!

I just had the craziest idea (or maybe it's perfect!), only time will tell.

I am a queen. Elegant. Graceful. Generous. Kind. Loving. Strong. My presence commands respect and admiration. I lead with compassion and consideration, gracefully guiding with integrity. My kingdom knows and feels my love for them in every word, every action.

My offspring is watching, learning, developing into herself. She is much like I am. At a young age she is strong, powerful, confident, a leader. She will one day have a kingdom of her own to guide and she is building it now. Stone by stone. Brick by brick as I have done with mine.

My kingdom is not yet complete. I continue to construct it tirelessly for the duration of my life. For I am the queen, how could I ever stop. Stagnation will lead down a path contrary to all that I believe. So I will continue to contrive my kingdom, my palace, my sanctuary.

My domain welcomes all with open arms. Community is so very important. It is my role to nurture and protect them all. And so I keep a watchful eye on those nearby. I extend my love as I am of service to the community and all those who reside here. My kingdom needs love, as much love as possible.

Each day is an opportunity for me to be a better queen. I muster up all of the love inside myself. I dig up my strength. I stand strong and tall. I show my pride and confidence openly. I rise above yesterday. I smile. I offer love and support. I speak honestly and respectfully. I feel gratitude, so much gratitude. I speak with integrity and love. I move gracefully and effortlessly. I am a queen.

Perhaps we are all the queens and kings of our kingdoms. Maybe we lead a domain every day of our lives. 

I am the queen of my life. My kingdom is my world. Those who enter, pass through, or stay in my life are the residents. How I conduct myself each day directly reflects how I lead, both myself and others.

With all my love your Queen in service, 

Dawnalyn

Shifting Gears (from Overdrive to Observation)

After reading a most amazing book (The Mastery of Love- which I recommend everyone and their dog reads) yesterday I can feel myself shifting. I'm moving into an observatory mode. Watching. Listening. Stepping back from interactions, mostly emotionally but also mentally. I want to engage less and observe more.

I increasingly notice when / where people have resistance. We can rarely understand others enough to know exactly why the resistance is so strong around certain topics yet it is there. Pushing back, rejecting, dispelling. I will not continue to push, to attempt to justify or validate my opinion/ information. If someone doesn't want it or isn't ready they will not receive it at all. That is ok, perfect in fact. 

I see others gravitating towards certain people, topics, areas, etc. They are drawn here. Sometimes as a trigger response to a validation attempt or seeking attention. Other times it appears to simply be an organic draw to interactions that leave you feeling good. This too is ok, perfect again.

Others hang their heads in self punishment, embarrassment, or other parasitic emotions. Making themselves pay for their actions, words, or interactions. Pushing themselves down to the ground as they have with others. Condemning themselves for their wrong doings. This is ok, perfect in this moment.

We are all at such different places even though we walk side by side, work together, play the same games, and interact similarly on certain topics. You can not convince someone to hear, see or feel something they are not ready for. And likewise, when you are ready for information, transformation, change, whatever it seems to resonate so intensely as if you can feel it in your soul! This is all so perfect.

Every moment we are exactly where we should be. But why must we punish ourselves? Conditioning? Our parents did, so now we do? Lack of self-worth? Acceptance? Normality? 

If self punishment is where you are, that is fine. We all choose to treat ourselves how we feel we deserve to be treated. What if self punishment and suffering just wasn't necessary? What if we acknowledge our "wrong doings" or the wrongs of others for what it is and let it go. How hard is it to break the patterns of self sabotage, short changing yourself, or self punishment? 

Well, we learned it somewhere right?! So, can we then learn to be more forgiving and loving? I think so. But I think we need to get clear in ourselves exactly how we define forgiveness and love. 

My daughter defined love last night as: "being nice to each other and getting along". It's a pretty simple definition. Respect, she defined as: "being kind". If we used definitions as basic as these they might be quite simple to implement into our daily lives a little more.

With more love and forgiveness perhaps we would all project our emotional garbage onto others. Maybe we wouldn't condition our children to think that our uncontrolled anger as adults is their fault. Perhaps bringing awareness to our triggers, anger, pain, sadness, or emotional outbursts will encourage us to choose our words more wisely and more kindly. Not just towards our children, but also towards our friends, college,  spouses and strangers.

Do those around us need to be punished because of the sadness, fear, pain, or anger we are feeling inside ourselves? No, they certainly don't!! These are all of our own emotions to acknowledge, face and deal with. Our triggers are ours, they are not someone else's fault. When an emotion is triggered in us it is entirely ours to own and manage. There may have been something outside ourselves that caused this emotion to arise in us... but it has arisen within you. Making it yours to own. Projecting this onto those around you is simply deflecting ownership and avoiding growth.

I wonder if we learn to own each of these things as they come up how things might change. If I recognize my triggers as mine (almost as if I triggered myself, removing the external component) how would I manage it differently? The pleasurable things that come into my life and cross my path, are they too reflections of my internal relationship? Is our relationship with the world around us a direct reflection of our relationship with ourselves? 

Are you / I constantly faced with people / situations that challenge our insecurities? Are you / I faced with people / situations that bring in love and highlight the amazing area's of life?

Maybe, just maybe if we own every detail of our lives, emotions, interactions, expressions, and ourselves as we are in this moment we will experience less suffering. 

As for me, I think I'll sit back and continue to take in the worlds around me, fill my heart and interactions with love and acceptance and see what happens... 

With all my love and gratitude,
D.

The Glimmer in Her Eyes

As I sit back and watch you and the others I am reminded once again of how grateful I am. Grateful for all of the challenges you represent and create in my life. You give me so many opportunities to act with the utmost integrity, self respect, and strength.

I have to confess that I have very few moments in my life (so far) that I would call "mom moments". For some reason I don't get this overwhelming sense of passion that drives me to be a great mom that, in my perception, other moms get regularly. I carry guilt about this lack of "mom passion" that seems to come so naturally to others. It gets particularly heavy when I feel the weight of being on my own. I had a break through recently. I felt it, that passion that arises. Kicks your parenting into overdrive and makes you want to be the best role model you could possibly be for your little person. This is partially due to you...

So I have to say Thank you. Thank you for showing me how NOT to treat others. Thank you for the opportunities to express my strength. Thank you for granting me moments to show my daughter what it looks and feels like to be a strong woman in the face of ignorance. Thank you for helping me teach her how to move gracefully through bullshit. You rock! Without you in my life these opportunities wouldn't be quite so abundant.

As I continue to watch you and others with gratitude in my heart and mind I see even more opportunity for me and her. I see how insanely proud I am to have a strong, courageous little person. In many ways she is a replica of me. I'm astounded to see the accomplished little lady she is at just 6 years old. I'm impressed and inspired to keep pushing forward. Stand strong, standing down only when it's in her or my best interest. Charging through life with her by my side. She is so tremendous already at such a young age. This girl is going to be unstoppable.

My motivation has been completely renewed and recharged. I have seen the strength a 6 year old can posses and show. I have seen clearly my own strength being displayed. I will never sell myself short again, ever. I'm ready. My heart is full. My soul is prepared. My mind is clear. Bring it Universe!

Try It

With love from C to you

What if you decided to try?

What if the decision to be all in is enough?

Maybe we are just always holding ourselves back for fear of failure or not being good enough

What a fucking waste of time!

If you're going to do it, do it

You don't show up on stage with half effort and expect an encore

Have the courage to be scared and keep going

Because your heart knows

Stop and listen

Love with everything you have

Find the magic

It's there

Don't believe the ones who deny it

They lie because they're scared

They're scared of pain

And of loss

But you don't have to be

You can be the one whose courage awakens others

You can live in the most beautiful happiness

We all deserve it

So why not you?

Do it

Now

So Fucking Grateful

From C

I am so fucking grateful

For every breath, every movement  

A blessing

Pure joy, infinite possibility

My health, my strength

The energy that surges through me and forms passion in all that I do

Also the weak moments

The fears, the confusion

Even the pain of loneliness

Because they are truth

And my purpose is to learn truth

Not the convenient truth

The surface mask of reality

Painted on like the face of an aging beauty queen

But rather the truth of imperfection

The magic that pushes it's way

into the tiniest of moments

A bright morning after a dark night of wretchedness

A slow smile that curls the lips and warms the soul

And...

So am I

A moment in time

The space in between that expands when you pause

That's what I crave

That's what I seek when all becomes confused

The gentle rustle of leaves

Wind making its way through as they bend to allow

The sound and feeling of movement

Of allowing

As are the leaves, so am I

Strong Enough to Try?

C

She fears that you only want her because she reminds you of something you've forgotten.  And then when you remember, will you move on?  You smile when she laughs, and hold her when you feel lonely.  But do you ask what she needs; what her heart longs for?

Will you be strong enough to try?  Will you risk your heart knowing that she won't give you the world but rather, share it with you?  

Because this is what she offers.  It's real, and messy, and beautiful.  Not the fantasy that you likely pictured when you first met her.  Or the image that you often see projected into the world.  But the vulnerable, soft and hard, brave and fearful woman who craves exploration of the depths.

She's waiting for you.  But she can't wait much longer.  Her heart craves connection.  And if you choose not to give it, then she will find someone who will.