Shifting Gears (from Overdrive to Observation)

After reading a most amazing book (The Mastery of Love- which I recommend everyone and their dog reads) yesterday I can feel myself shifting. I'm moving into an observatory mode. Watching. Listening. Stepping back from interactions, mostly emotionally but also mentally. I want to engage less and observe more.

I increasingly notice when / where people have resistance. We can rarely understand others enough to know exactly why the resistance is so strong around certain topics yet it is there. Pushing back, rejecting, dispelling. I will not continue to push, to attempt to justify or validate my opinion/ information. If someone doesn't want it or isn't ready they will not receive it at all. That is ok, perfect in fact. 

I see others gravitating towards certain people, topics, areas, etc. They are drawn here. Sometimes as a trigger response to a validation attempt or seeking attention. Other times it appears to simply be an organic draw to interactions that leave you feeling good. This too is ok, perfect again.

Others hang their heads in self punishment, embarrassment, or other parasitic emotions. Making themselves pay for their actions, words, or interactions. Pushing themselves down to the ground as they have with others. Condemning themselves for their wrong doings. This is ok, perfect in this moment.

We are all at such different places even though we walk side by side, work together, play the same games, and interact similarly on certain topics. You can not convince someone to hear, see or feel something they are not ready for. And likewise, when you are ready for information, transformation, change, whatever it seems to resonate so intensely as if you can feel it in your soul! This is all so perfect.

Every moment we are exactly where we should be. But why must we punish ourselves? Conditioning? Our parents did, so now we do? Lack of self-worth? Acceptance? Normality? 

If self punishment is where you are, that is fine. We all choose to treat ourselves how we feel we deserve to be treated. What if self punishment and suffering just wasn't necessary? What if we acknowledge our "wrong doings" or the wrongs of others for what it is and let it go. How hard is it to break the patterns of self sabotage, short changing yourself, or self punishment? 

Well, we learned it somewhere right?! So, can we then learn to be more forgiving and loving? I think so. But I think we need to get clear in ourselves exactly how we define forgiveness and love. 

My daughter defined love last night as: "being nice to each other and getting along". It's a pretty simple definition. Respect, she defined as: "being kind". If we used definitions as basic as these they might be quite simple to implement into our daily lives a little more.

With more love and forgiveness perhaps we would all project our emotional garbage onto others. Maybe we wouldn't condition our children to think that our uncontrolled anger as adults is their fault. Perhaps bringing awareness to our triggers, anger, pain, sadness, or emotional outbursts will encourage us to choose our words more wisely and more kindly. Not just towards our children, but also towards our friends, college,  spouses and strangers.

Do those around us need to be punished because of the sadness, fear, pain, or anger we are feeling inside ourselves? No, they certainly don't!! These are all of our own emotions to acknowledge, face and deal with. Our triggers are ours, they are not someone else's fault. When an emotion is triggered in us it is entirely ours to own and manage. There may have been something outside ourselves that caused this emotion to arise in us... but it has arisen within you. Making it yours to own. Projecting this onto those around you is simply deflecting ownership and avoiding growth.

I wonder if we learn to own each of these things as they come up how things might change. If I recognize my triggers as mine (almost as if I triggered myself, removing the external component) how would I manage it differently? The pleasurable things that come into my life and cross my path, are they too reflections of my internal relationship? Is our relationship with the world around us a direct reflection of our relationship with ourselves? 

Are you / I constantly faced with people / situations that challenge our insecurities? Are you / I faced with people / situations that bring in love and highlight the amazing area's of life?

Maybe, just maybe if we own every detail of our lives, emotions, interactions, expressions, and ourselves as we are in this moment we will experience less suffering. 

As for me, I think I'll sit back and continue to take in the worlds around me, fill my heart and interactions with love and acceptance and see what happens... 

With all my love and gratitude,
D.