Gratitude Through a Broken Heart...

There are moments in life that help you gain clarity so instantly, cause an explosion of gratitude and make you want to spread love.

A broken heart is an opportunity to grow your love. A physical wound is an opportunity to heal and strengthen. An emotional bruise is an opportunity to reflect and develop yourself further.

I just had one of these moments of clarity. Feeling so blessed for every little thing, every amazing friend, my health, acquaintances that have impacted me more than they know and all of my family. 

We are all gifted life everyday. We chose how we want to use each of these days. Our actions are our own desicion, every single one. Are we using these moments to add value, spread love and create connections?  I'm evaluating my choices and choosing to try to be a better me, spread more love and express gratitude and appreciation for what I have and who I have in my life. 

I choose love. To act from a place of love. Speak loving words. Give love freely. Accept love willingly. ❤ 

Reflections

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I have discovered that I wasn't ready to involve kids to the level that I thought should be starting to happen. I think I need to take a different approach to relationships and reprogram in some ways. I want/ need to have separation in some ways. Kids being one way that I think I need more space and time. As well as the relationship itself... meaning I want to have my own life and be on my own in many ways. I do want partnership for sure, but I don't need/ want it to be full on all the time rather running parallel to one another, offering support and involvement but not 100% combined. I like having my own space to be alone when I want but I also like having someone safe and comfortable to have around at times. I was feeling pressured somehow to have this "normal" relationship but that won't work for my life nor is it genuinely what I desire. I was feeling pressure to make sure all the pieces fit "properly" and what they typically should look like but that all flushes out naturally and in time if you allow it, it breaks down with pressure.


I don't think there are many norm's that apply to my life at the moment and I wouldn't want them to. However, this means that I need to learn new patterns and I have to re-frame how I think and approach life. We are pressured to have things that conform to idea's of normal or acceptable such as relationships that flow, all the pieces fit automatically and is presented to the world in a certain way. This just won't work for me. I have to do things differently to be happy. I want freedom, flexibility and my own life separate from another and at the same time I desire connection, support and affection. The balance and combination of these things is where I have been struggling within myself and honestly I've been having a hard time accepting that this is what I want. I need to be allowed to genuinely be myself without feeling the need to hold back or filter and I have to offer the same level of acceptance.


I'd like to avoid having many transitional relationships especially ones that involve Hannah. I want real connection, support and love. I'm not willing to settle and accept anything less, it's not worth it. However, I also don't need to rush or push anything. It's just not necessary. I need to learn how to take a new approach to connection as I need separation at the same time.

With love ❤ D.

Farewell Love

~ Dawn

I have to thank you for being in my life. Without you I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn what love means. Even now with you being gone I am grateful, not heartbroken. 

There are moments when I think I should be upset with you for "giving up" on us. Then I remember that I only have control over myself and very little else. I remind myself that love is not being with someone or having a partner. Rather repecting another and wanting only the best for then and honoring yourself and them completely. Simply that. 

Attachment to an outcome does not encourage or enable love. Time, space, self love and respect encourage love to grow.

Looking back I can see where we both fell short- I hate that term but am at a loss for another expression. I can also see what we did well. 

I love that you cried at that movie. When we were laying in bed, your eyes were closed and you said you missed me when we were apart. You listened and tried. You showed up more than anyone has even tried to before. In so many ways you were amazing for me. I learned so much.

I only hope that I added as much value to your life as you did to mine. I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness but even more than that, I hope you allow this for yourself. We all deserve love.

With love in my heart I say thank you and farewell.

We are Love

*Disclaimer for you Dawn :).  I like understandjng that love is irrelevant of, but so much more because of the other.  I like that I can share this and know that it's about anyone I choose :))

I’ve loved you so much longer than I’ve known you

And when I saw you, I knew

Every piece of me was pulled

Even those bits that I forgot about

The ones that thought they were done with this world

But I sure as hell didn’t know how to be with you

And so I rebelled

I fought that love tooth and nail

Pretending it wasn’t real

Making excuses for my so-called solitude

For all those walls I have up

“Oh, it’s to protect me

Because love hurts, you know”

And so, I question my sanity

Then laugh hysterically at the answer that does not come

Because it wasn’t real

Those walls were like a puff of smoke

They are felt, but all you have to do is take a step forward and you’re through

And really, I don’t need you

I don’t need your devotion, your commitment, to feel complete

I’m just me, alone

Sometimes…

But other times I am so much more

Because of you

Because of what you remind me of

Of who you inspire me to be

Of who we are and what we create

Those tiny pieces of me that come alive with you

And so, my heart hurts when I’m not with you

The home it has found with you feels half-way vacant

I want to touch you

I want to explore you and share with you

I want to make love with you

Like really make it

Not that pretend sort of love that seeks approval

Or the kind that desires to possess as though it will fix

And I know we do

Make love

We make love better than anyone I know

We give that shit away like skittles

And everywhere we go together people smile

Because they know

That we are love

~ C