Reflections

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I have discovered that I wasn't ready to involve kids to the level that I thought should be starting to happen. I think I need to take a different approach to relationships and reprogram in some ways. I want/ need to have separation in some ways. Kids being one way that I think I need more space and time. As well as the relationship itself... meaning I want to have my own life and be on my own in many ways. I do want partnership for sure, but I don't need/ want it to be full on all the time rather running parallel to one another, offering support and involvement but not 100% combined. I like having my own space to be alone when I want but I also like having someone safe and comfortable to have around at times. I was feeling pressured somehow to have this "normal" relationship but that won't work for my life nor is it genuinely what I desire. I was feeling pressure to make sure all the pieces fit "properly" and what they typically should look like but that all flushes out naturally and in time if you allow it, it breaks down with pressure.


I don't think there are many norm's that apply to my life at the moment and I wouldn't want them to. However, this means that I need to learn new patterns and I have to re-frame how I think and approach life. We are pressured to have things that conform to idea's of normal or acceptable such as relationships that flow, all the pieces fit automatically and is presented to the world in a certain way. This just won't work for me. I have to do things differently to be happy. I want freedom, flexibility and my own life separate from another and at the same time I desire connection, support and affection. The balance and combination of these things is where I have been struggling within myself and honestly I've been having a hard time accepting that this is what I want. I need to be allowed to genuinely be myself without feeling the need to hold back or filter and I have to offer the same level of acceptance.


I'd like to avoid having many transitional relationships especially ones that involve Hannah. I want real connection, support and love. I'm not willing to settle and accept anything less, it's not worth it. However, I also don't need to rush or push anything. It's just not necessary. I need to learn how to take a new approach to connection as I need separation at the same time.

With love ❤ D.