Embracing The Feminine (whatever the hell that means)

My ultimate desire is to be the feminine energy. The feeler. The mover. Like the breeze which enables an eagles flight or the stream that allows a fish to travel miles. Without the wind there is no flight and without water how would the fish swim?

In theory this sounds so wonderful. Elegantly moving with fluidity and grace. The only problem is that I really don't know how the hell to do it!  Without taking action I feel stagnant. Without purpose,  useless. How can one just sit back and "allow"? It's confusing as hell.

To make matters more complicated I have these feeling things that muddle up my business. Confusing the hell out of things along with hormones that turn me into a fucking crazy person on a regular base. Tack this on top of life and you have a recipe for disaster or so it feels.

On the other hand, there is a masculine energy for a reason. Perhaps I CAN feel, move, allow and observe while my well balanced counterpart takes the lead. Guiding things with his robust strength and confidence. Quietly directing with my trust in him as reassurance.

Ok, so how the hell do I do this? How do I get out of my own way, out of my head and create space for new patterns, interactions and a new path? The answer is simple, is it not... stop! Just stop doing. Breath, feel, move, express and allow instead. (Because that's all super easy, right!?)

I want to be your love and you to be mine. Your patience is all I can ask for.


Oct 17 addition

I am coming to realize there is a great need for release. I must let go of attachment to my old roles that no longer serve me. Allow them to dissipate and create space for moving forward. Give myself permission to be free from the binding expectations that have hurt me for so long and that I don't want to bear any longer.

It is amazing how tough letting go can be, even when it is letting go of things that hurt you. The unknown future is scary. But we must remember the beauty and freedom that comes along with change. How can things ever turn out different if we never change what we do.

I am committing to myself right now to chose to be different. I am letting go of past expectations and pressures. I am free to be a new and better version on me. As of today, right now, I am letting go. Allowing. Trusting. Loving. Prioritizing me.